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Your Diet is So Old

Simple kicks tail when it comes to everything in life. When it’s your diet? It doesn’t get much more simple than old school diet plans. Regardless the regimen you’re following, you already deal with occasional stink eye when you mention you’re doing keto. Mention you follow a plan that’s almost 45 years old and people are going to give you crap about it.

The question is, can you take that crap? Are you tough enough to hang with the kids on the diet playground when the smack starts flying like five year old fists of fury? There’s no room for sissies here, my friend. This is all or nothing. Play for keeps. The dodge ball to the face of diet shade.

Let’s just see if you can swing it.

You know, your diet’s so old…

– Disco wacka-chicka music plays every time you crack the cover.

– The book mentions prohibition.

– Abe Lincoln was a testimonial.

– It’s written in Sanskrit.

– On papyrus.

– All the serving sizes are in Roman numerals.

– Pterodactyls are induction approved.

– Atkins mentions his experience at the Last Supper.

– And the first Thanksgiving.

– It mentions getting salt from the almost-Dead-but-still-hanging-in Sea.

– The book’s writer sat next to Ben Franklin in kindergarten.

– Atkins told Eve apples weren’t okay until after induction.

– He knew the Burger King when he was just a prince.

– The book was dedicated to the Flintstones.

– Atkins records his menus on the Mayan calendar.

– He okayed the Boston Tea Party, so long as they limited the heavy cream to 2 teaspoons.

– He knew Captain Crunch when he was still a private.

– Socrates gave his glowing review on the back of the book.

– Betsy Ross wrote the recipes.

When it comes to fighting fire with fire, just make sure you give as good as you get. Unless there’s bacon involved. Because then there’s just get. It’s bacon.

But then your plan is so old, you think I mean Sir Francis Bacon.

Creamy sun-dried tomato and artichoke sauce

cleochatra

Simplification is a beautiful thing. Most recipes shared here will contain decidedly less filler comment and get right at the meat of things (bwah! Pun). Nutritional information is tabulated in MyFitnessPal, and, when possible, recipes are kept to as few ingredients and processes as possible.

As an aside, excuse the grainy quality of this picture. I need to download Photoshop, since it’s apparent I’m no good on my own when I’m not shooting in indirect sunlight.

Now let’s talk tilapia. While we’ve taken to smoking much of our meats on our pellet grill, there’s still something typically lacking in presentation and flavor from the fish and chicken side of things.

Try this easy, five-ingredient sauce recipe, based on a this copycat Outback Steakhouse rendition, and you’ll find it’s also pretty terrific on your gluten-free pasta and spaghetti squash. In fact, it’s a family favorite. Now the only thing better than catching a fish is getting it sauced (see what I did there?)

Creamy Artichoke and Sun-dried Tomato Sauce

This quick and simple delicious cream sauce adds szchwing to chicken, fish and veggies. based on this recipe.

Ingredients:
1/2 cup sun-dried tomatoes
1 cup artichoke hearts
1 tablespoon True Lemon Crystallized Lemon & Cracked Pepper
1/4 pound (1 stick) salted butter
1 cup heavy cream

Instructions:
1. Heat butter in a small saucepan over medium heat.
2. Add the sun-dried tomatoes, artichoke hearts and garlic lemon pepper; saute for 3 minutes.
3. Add heavy cream; stir occasionally until the mixture has thickened slightly and is heated throughout, about 5 minutes.
4. Pour the liquid into a blender or use an immersion blender to create a smooth liquid.
5. Return the liquid to the pot, heating and stirring for 3-5 minutes.
6. Serve warm. Refrigerate remaining.

Tip: If the sauce overly thickens, heat it over low heat and add a tablespoon of water at a time until reaching the desired consistency.

Makes: 8 servings, 1/4 cup each
Nutritional information per serving: Calories: 233; Carbohydrates: 6 g; Fiber: 2 g; Net Carbohydrates: 4 g; Protein: 2 g ; Fat: 23 g; Sodium: 244 mg

Rebooting 2016…In December

cleochatra

I’ve never been one for New Year’s Resolutions. To me, they’re promises no one ever really intends to keep for the purposes of buying exercise equipment (unless your resolution is to buy exercise equipment).

And it’s pretty apparent to those who know me that I possess a lot of patience only sometimes (I was done shopping the Cyber Monday sales in July).

When I moved from Colorado to Idaho, that 135 pound weight loss dwindled as I started re-gaining the weight I’d purposefully shed through a year of effort and exercise. I’m not happy to report I’m back up about 70 pounds, in fact. That’s pretty terrible. Sure, I can posit, it’s a heck of a lot better to be 65 pounds down than not at all.

At the same time, gaining 70 back has been frustrating for someone who worked so hard to get to a healthier place and who focuses on helping others also accomplish those goals.

So then what?

My Plan: To live 2016 like it’s 1986.

That’s right. Because back in 1986, at an Atkins teen, I was the most fit and healthy (and thin) I’d ever been. Thanks to my dad, who’d lost 80 pounds in 6 months with high-fat, moderate protein choices, our entire family felt the benefits of making those same choices. Sure, we’d occasionally eat off plan, but for the most part we were sticking to the knowledge of Dr. A and following the rules and guidelines that worked for him, too.

My diet plan: To follow 1972 Atkins

Back in 1986, I was also exercising pretty religiously. And while I know that for many following a ketogenic diet that exercise isn’t necessarily necessary, for me it was–and still is–for weight loss. I just feel better when I’m exercising and I know it helps boost my metabolism. In short, I’m doing it. With my trust Fitbit HR on my wrist, I’ll be tracking my movement every day.

My exercise plan: To put in meaningful aerobic movement every day for at least 30 minutes.

And because I can’t wait for anything, I started two days ago, just to know I could.

My accountability plan: To share what I’m doing so you can see how it works for an old school Atkins fan revisiting the pork rinds of her past. I’ll keep a food diary here during the week, minimally, and I’ll share how I’m doing so you can follow along–and even join in.

Granted, I’m not a doctor, so none of this is meant as nutritional or medical advice. I’m just a girl who plans to shed junk from my trunk so I don’t look stupid in my bathing suit next summer. This is my goal and I’m determined to achieve it. If I don’t, at least I have the option of looking at the sculpting and slimming collection from a retailer like Hermoza, (https://thehermoza.com/collections/sculpt) so at least I can still look beautiful in a bathing suit. I’ve heard that they’ve got some gorgeous pieces. However, I would personally prefer to try and lose some weight before the summer months come around. Plus, it’s much easier to walk on Boise slippery surfaces in the winter when there’s less of the bad stuff trying to bring me down. Fat’s not as cushiony as Charmin…

Sure, there’ll be new recipes coming, too, so stay tuned! Subscribe, tell your friends, tell their friends and let me know what’s helping you.

Chances are, it’s helping me, too. And when it comes down to it, couldn’t we all use a little bit of that?

When Jesus loves you, you get taco salad

cleochatra

Then again, I’m probably not headed in the heavenly direction.

I mean, not when I think about some of the bad things I’ve said over the years. Like the time I said that three-legged dog’s name was probably Eileen. Or that other time I told my husband he dropped his nut sack and handed him back his pistachios. Or even the one when I asked my kid–who’d just had an impressive bout of diarrhea all over the side of an abandoned road–if she was okay or too pooped to go on. In fact, I’m pretty positive I’m not only going to hell, I’m bound for the special hell where people tell really bad knock knock jokes all day long.

But before I get there, it’s Black Bear Cafe, a massive taco salad without the shell and refried beans, and a fork. Thank you, Jesus*.

*Note, this isn’t really a religious post. It’s more of a red Starbucks coffee cup kind of deal. Or maybe this.